Hazy beginnings, Abrupt Ends, Dreams Overshadowing, and Concentrated Notes
(Note: This was written, I think a year ago when retyping The Heretic Papers, originally titled Dead Bird. I am putting it here because it is inter-related with, and as a compendium to, the Bicycle Post on TruthRevival.Org.)
The question of deciding when the 5D Notes began is not an easy task. What is the beginning of anything? Even of yourself, you cannot say you began when you were born. To understand how that came about, you would have to include the story of your parents, and how they came to get together. Then you would have to say where they came from, and so on and so on. Everything's beginnings are obscure, a hazy line of what you think is relevant which produced the outcome you wish to say is separate from what came before it. So too it is with my deciding when my self-titled “5D Notes” began.
To go back to the earliest point in a nearly contiguous line without years of gaps in-between, I would have to say the earliest possible answer would be with the Heretic Papers. Like the 5D notes, the Heretic Papers were mostly sort paragraphs written compulsively on a variety of topics with no particular theme or segway between them. They were just bits of thought of things which I did not work into Towards Tomorrow when it ended but could not stop writing or thinking about them either, beginning pretty much to the day after finishing it. After getting a lot of these notes together, I thought they were pretty good, and that they should be put together somehow into a collection, for myself only, for me to reread them at later times. And I then called this the Heretic Papers.
But the overall theme if it could be said to have one was not the same as in the 5D Notes. Some of the thematic ideas within the Heretic Papers found a new form in Deconstructing the Universe which started shortly after gathering together these notes. In some ways Deconstructing the Universe was a reformation of the Heretic Papers into something less heretical and more organized and (somewhat more) coherent.
Yet there is a great difference between how I thought before and after Deconstructing the Universe. In many ways you could say I had become a different person, I had grown somehow. So though the form was the same and the time frame was a year or so (or less) between the Heretic Papers and my new dividing line of when the Notes began, I would have to say another beginning came after Deconstructing the Universe was finally done, though short paragraphs were also included at the end of it as well, thus further blurring an exact point of a beginning of the 5D notes which came after.
When working on PolSci.com (the first one) in early 2004, I the first put the notes into an organized form and called them the 5D notes. They were published before that on the Internet as just a group of paragraphs and sentences about 4D space, time, and other topics like that, with politics and other social comments as well thrown in. When deciding at that point where to start it, I drew the line at when I moved to Lithuania before starting school. At this beginning point, I figured it started with a series of drawings called the Dimensional Contortionist Escape Artist, and mostly free-formed out of ideas about multidimensional thinking. It was just an explosion of thoughts forming around ideas about time and space which became a running theme in the 5D notes, and this was a valid starting point to choose, but not the correct one.
Before getting to Lithuania, there was a running commentary similar to the notes which I did just before my trip away from Hawaii starting 3 months earlier. In looking backwards in time a bit later in 2004 or 2005, I then changed my mind and decided that these few months of notes were also in a way not separate from the 5D Notes, and with later versions of PolSci.com, I added them as well, dubbing them the Pre-Notes. I saw them as definitely more like the later notes than similar to anything else written before, and a new definite break in form and purpose of writing occurred then. And then as now, they were also dated sometimes on which days they were written, like a journal.
Two paragraphs were added at the beginning of the Pre-Notes because I thought they were really well done. I knew, though, even as I put them there (and they were only a day or two away from what I now consider the absolute beginning of the 5D Notes), I knew they did not belong there. I pretty much concluded then (when compiling the Pre-notes) and now that the pattern of writing I would later term the 5D Notes began with the dead bird.
That day (7/23/2003) is when they became notes to myself of things to remember later as well as things others might read and find useful. It was then quite consciously writing a type of shorthand to myself to remember things, as I said in other things, probably RCP2, to remember things as I was experiencing them, sometimes relearning them, as my brain was rebuilding itself after the accident.
Around that time (mid-July 2003) I was for the first time not getting dizzy all the time and was beginning to get over the effects of getting hit by a car, thrown 6 feet in the air, and landing head first on the pavement. This was about 6 weeks after the accident. I had said in poetry as far back as Triumvirum about my mindset changing over time, but after the accident it was changing extremely rapidly and constantly, continually, and franticly trying out new ways of thinking and analyzing and categorizing perception, and then storing them and moving on to make new ones at an extreme pace.
The introduction to Deconstructing the Universe can give some indication of the level of wonder and awe and joy I had at that point about just about every aspect of my life and life in general. Just doing anything was incredibly fun, and riding my bike was at the top of the list. I set out that day (7/23/2003) to go down the hill along the highway and there was a bird at the side of the road where I was riding.
To give an idea of how I rode my bike, I would sit up straight, not have to hold the handlebars, and was free to twist (up to 180 degrees) and turn whichever way I wanted to look for many seconds at a time without the slightest fear of falling over or hitting anything in the road which would cause me to lose balance, nor concern the bike would turn in a wrong direction. I more or less assumed the bike would go where it should and I could concern myself with looking at clouds, trees, whatever, fully and in total rapture, and I never was proven wrong.
When I came up to the bird, it took off because I came near to it, but it flew exactly along the white line on the side of the road where I was riding. Sitting there straight up with my arms by my sides with a bird flying immediately before me at the exact same speed so close I could have at any point reached out and pulled a feather off of it. Not just for a second or two but on and on. It tried to get ahead of me and landed a few times but always right in front of me and had to take off again, and again it would be just in front of me almost dead level with my eyes.
A flower or a tree in those times was amazing to me, this was just mind blowing, almost spiritual. I was given for about 30 seconds or so seeing what it would be like to be a bird, or a camera following a bird in flight just a few feet behind it. I was transfixed in total awe of the experience and it made an unbelievable impression on me. My thinking at that time could go so fast I could almost seem to watch its wings flap in slow-motion and then speed them up again.
There was no me, and the bird, separate, just the experience, and then it was over in an instant. With my mind completely focused on the bird, and the experience, suddenly my mind said no and I saw it happen almost through the birds eyes an instant before it did. The bird finally turned away from flying exactly in the path I was gliding along not pedaling, coasting down the hill with my arms at my sides, and it turned and flew head on into a SUV's windshield traveling at a high-speed, bounced off of it and was bouncing up and down dead on the side of the road.
Going from a feeling of total bliss and oneness with the experience, and seeing the bird get killed right in front of me and dead an instant later left me in shock of what to do. The humane thing would have been, seeing it was most assuredly not going to survive even if it was not already dead, no way it could have lived through that, would have been to walk over and step on it in case it was still alive and end its pain. But I could not. I could not bring myself to do that.
I can't say if what that related to was true, but it cut close to a dream I had which seemingly will never be answered. It was similar, it was different, yet everything connects or can connect, if your mind or your feelings choose to see them as connected. Probably the instant before the bird died was one of the greatest feelings of awe at being alive I had ever had, it was magical, wondrous at a time where everything was wondrous and magical. This was merely many times more so, but then it changed.
The transition was abrupt, and a bit shocking. One second not thinking, not analyzing but just being and experiencing in totality, just feeling joy and wonder at what is before me and then, shock and confusion at what does it mean, what should I do, and not having an answer to a question I never would have anticipated needing to have an answer to. That is what life throws at you whenever you become complacent, if you are lucky.
You may not see it that way. Neither may the bird. But when you get over the shock, you may discover as I did, it was necessary to grow beyond how you saw things before, no matter how much more innocent and carefree and better it was. Both levels of seeing and experiencing you need to know, and the transitions will always be there triggering them, and they are a part of you because the experiences are there to make you feel, good, bad, joy, grief, to make you feel and know through interaction with other living things, what is means to each to be alive, both separate and how you fit together to create those experiences within both, and each within each other as well.
All of that and more summed up for me in one single line in the Pre-Notes. (The 5D stuff is even far more concentrated in what a few words here and there mean to me and the concepts and models of thinking they represent.)
7/23 (2003) Dead bird
The Quickies page has many of the best lines from the 5D Notes all in one place. Not the deepest or most complex concepts in the Notes, but good turns of phrase and a few good self-contained short ideas.
The question of deciding when the 5D Notes began is not an easy task. What is the beginning of anything? Even of yourself, you cannot say you began when you were born. To understand how that came about, you would have to include the story of your parents, and how they came to get together. Then you would have to say where they came from, and so on and so on. Everything's beginnings are obscure, a hazy line of what you think is relevant which produced the outcome you wish to say is separate from what came before it. So too it is with my deciding when my self-titled “5D Notes” began.
To go back to the earliest point in a nearly contiguous line without years of gaps in-between, I would have to say the earliest possible answer would be with the Heretic Papers. Like the 5D notes, the Heretic Papers were mostly sort paragraphs written compulsively on a variety of topics with no particular theme or segway between them. They were just bits of thought of things which I did not work into Towards Tomorrow when it ended but could not stop writing or thinking about them either, beginning pretty much to the day after finishing it. After getting a lot of these notes together, I thought they were pretty good, and that they should be put together somehow into a collection, for myself only, for me to reread them at later times. And I then called this the Heretic Papers.
But the overall theme if it could be said to have one was not the same as in the 5D Notes. Some of the thematic ideas within the Heretic Papers found a new form in Deconstructing the Universe which started shortly after gathering together these notes. In some ways Deconstructing the Universe was a reformation of the Heretic Papers into something less heretical and more organized and (somewhat more) coherent.
Yet there is a great difference between how I thought before and after Deconstructing the Universe. In many ways you could say I had become a different person, I had grown somehow. So though the form was the same and the time frame was a year or so (or less) between the Heretic Papers and my new dividing line of when the Notes began, I would have to say another beginning came after Deconstructing the Universe was finally done, though short paragraphs were also included at the end of it as well, thus further blurring an exact point of a beginning of the 5D notes which came after.
When working on PolSci.com (the first one) in early 2004, I the first put the notes into an organized form and called them the 5D notes. They were published before that on the Internet as just a group of paragraphs and sentences about 4D space, time, and other topics like that, with politics and other social comments as well thrown in. When deciding at that point where to start it, I drew the line at when I moved to Lithuania before starting school. At this beginning point, I figured it started with a series of drawings called the Dimensional Contortionist Escape Artist, and mostly free-formed out of ideas about multidimensional thinking. It was just an explosion of thoughts forming around ideas about time and space which became a running theme in the 5D notes, and this was a valid starting point to choose, but not the correct one.
Before getting to Lithuania, there was a running commentary similar to the notes which I did just before my trip away from Hawaii starting 3 months earlier. In looking backwards in time a bit later in 2004 or 2005, I then changed my mind and decided that these few months of notes were also in a way not separate from the 5D Notes, and with later versions of PolSci.com, I added them as well, dubbing them the Pre-Notes. I saw them as definitely more like the later notes than similar to anything else written before, and a new definite break in form and purpose of writing occurred then. And then as now, they were also dated sometimes on which days they were written, like a journal.
Two paragraphs were added at the beginning of the Pre-Notes because I thought they were really well done. I knew, though, even as I put them there (and they were only a day or two away from what I now consider the absolute beginning of the 5D Notes), I knew they did not belong there. I pretty much concluded then (when compiling the Pre-notes) and now that the pattern of writing I would later term the 5D Notes began with the dead bird.
That day (7/23/2003) is when they became notes to myself of things to remember later as well as things others might read and find useful. It was then quite consciously writing a type of shorthand to myself to remember things, as I said in other things, probably RCP2, to remember things as I was experiencing them, sometimes relearning them, as my brain was rebuilding itself after the accident.
Around that time (mid-July 2003) I was for the first time not getting dizzy all the time and was beginning to get over the effects of getting hit by a car, thrown 6 feet in the air, and landing head first on the pavement. This was about 6 weeks after the accident. I had said in poetry as far back as Triumvirum about my mindset changing over time, but after the accident it was changing extremely rapidly and constantly, continually, and franticly trying out new ways of thinking and analyzing and categorizing perception, and then storing them and moving on to make new ones at an extreme pace.
The introduction to Deconstructing the Universe can give some indication of the level of wonder and awe and joy I had at that point about just about every aspect of my life and life in general. Just doing anything was incredibly fun, and riding my bike was at the top of the list. I set out that day (7/23/2003) to go down the hill along the highway and there was a bird at the side of the road where I was riding.
To give an idea of how I rode my bike, I would sit up straight, not have to hold the handlebars, and was free to twist (up to 180 degrees) and turn whichever way I wanted to look for many seconds at a time without the slightest fear of falling over or hitting anything in the road which would cause me to lose balance, nor concern the bike would turn in a wrong direction. I more or less assumed the bike would go where it should and I could concern myself with looking at clouds, trees, whatever, fully and in total rapture, and I never was proven wrong.
When I came up to the bird, it took off because I came near to it, but it flew exactly along the white line on the side of the road where I was riding. Sitting there straight up with my arms by my sides with a bird flying immediately before me at the exact same speed so close I could have at any point reached out and pulled a feather off of it. Not just for a second or two but on and on. It tried to get ahead of me and landed a few times but always right in front of me and had to take off again, and again it would be just in front of me almost dead level with my eyes.
A flower or a tree in those times was amazing to me, this was just mind blowing, almost spiritual. I was given for about 30 seconds or so seeing what it would be like to be a bird, or a camera following a bird in flight just a few feet behind it. I was transfixed in total awe of the experience and it made an unbelievable impression on me. My thinking at that time could go so fast I could almost seem to watch its wings flap in slow-motion and then speed them up again.
There was no me, and the bird, separate, just the experience, and then it was over in an instant. With my mind completely focused on the bird, and the experience, suddenly my mind said no and I saw it happen almost through the birds eyes an instant before it did. The bird finally turned away from flying exactly in the path I was gliding along not pedaling, coasting down the hill with my arms at my sides, and it turned and flew head on into a SUV's windshield traveling at a high-speed, bounced off of it and was bouncing up and down dead on the side of the road.
Going from a feeling of total bliss and oneness with the experience, and seeing the bird get killed right in front of me and dead an instant later left me in shock of what to do. The humane thing would have been, seeing it was most assuredly not going to survive even if it was not already dead, no way it could have lived through that, would have been to walk over and step on it in case it was still alive and end its pain. But I could not. I could not bring myself to do that.
I can't say if what that related to was true, but it cut close to a dream I had which seemingly will never be answered. It was similar, it was different, yet everything connects or can connect, if your mind or your feelings choose to see them as connected. Probably the instant before the bird died was one of the greatest feelings of awe at being alive I had ever had, it was magical, wondrous at a time where everything was wondrous and magical. This was merely many times more so, but then it changed.
The transition was abrupt, and a bit shocking. One second not thinking, not analyzing but just being and experiencing in totality, just feeling joy and wonder at what is before me and then, shock and confusion at what does it mean, what should I do, and not having an answer to a question I never would have anticipated needing to have an answer to. That is what life throws at you whenever you become complacent, if you are lucky.
You may not see it that way. Neither may the bird. But when you get over the shock, you may discover as I did, it was necessary to grow beyond how you saw things before, no matter how much more innocent and carefree and better it was. Both levels of seeing and experiencing you need to know, and the transitions will always be there triggering them, and they are a part of you because the experiences are there to make you feel, good, bad, joy, grief, to make you feel and know through interaction with other living things, what is means to each to be alive, both separate and how you fit together to create those experiences within both, and each within each other as well.
All of that and more summed up for me in one single line in the Pre-Notes. (The 5D stuff is even far more concentrated in what a few words here and there mean to me and the concepts and models of thinking they represent.)
7/23 (2003) Dead bird
The Quickies page has many of the best lines from the 5D Notes all in one place. Not the deepest or most complex concepts in the Notes, but good turns of phrase and a few good self-contained short ideas.
posted by Jared DuBois | 12:00 PM
